When Time is Running Out

Pregnancy, an incredible and magical journey blessed to women’s bodies. Feeling a tiny human growing inside your body is mind-blowing. One day the fetus is only the size of a peanut, and several months later they’re the size of a papaya, kicking, and ready to pop up anytime soon. As blissful as it is, pregnancy and the realization of bringing a new life to this world is also an earth-shattering, life-changing experience for the parents. Well.. Let’s be honest, especially for the fetus carrier a.k.a the mother. And here is where I wanted to start sharing my story with pregnancy and the undeniable feeling that time is running out.

Two months After I came back from Japan to be with Danna-san earlier this year, we are blessed with Mame-Chan’s arrival *blushed*. It was surprising because both of us did not expect expecting so soon after we start living together. I was still adapting (coping?) with Jakarta’s life and with shifting my career into full-WFA style (I love my dynamic pace in Tokyo and did not like the idea of having to continue the work from Indonesia). Who thought going back to your hometown would feel like a burden? *laugh

The first three months of pregnancy was bizzare. It’s like my body is not my body anymore with the constant tiredness and mood swings. Oh, Add the nausea and sleepiness as cherry on top. The second trimester is way better than the first. The body has adapted to the changes and I feel stronger and more content with my preggo body and mind. As soon as I enter 2nd semester, me and Danna-san went to Bali for our babymoon. It was fun and definitely something to remember by.

I am currently in the 3rd semester and there is nothing I wanted more in this world other than Mame-chan’s healthy and safe arrival. Me and Danna-san’s love for this tiny fetus is growing each day and we are thrilled to welcome the tiny peanut in a couple of months! Still, I cannot deny that things are rapidly changing and likely will not go back to how things used to be. I love freedom and the fresh atmosphere that comes with it. The ability to go everywhere without physical restraint or constant worry that something bad could happen to the fetus, plus the thought that I am responsible for that, has been clouding my judgment to just be free and make the leap. Every time I would do something feels merely dangerous, my braind would rationalize “If something happen to the fetus, can YOU take take the responsibility?” And of course, jeopardizing anything to Mame-chan is not something I would like to put on chances.

Plus, having a child is a lifetime commitment. Lately I found myself becoming more concern with the family financial affair and more future investment arrangements. I found myself listening to parenting workshop while working. My Instagram ads is full of baby recommendation products. It is certainly different from my life last year, where my focus was mostly career oriented, to-go Tokyo hang out places, and maintaining balanced lifestyle with hot yoga and weekend hike to nearby mountains.

Then again, soon-to-be mothers probably experience the same situation. Now I finally understand how navigating new identities as wife/mothers while trying to keep the “old you” can be tricky. How having solid support systems from spouse, family, and friends while threading this new chapter is a gift not to take for granted. Being able to work from anywhere might not be as fun as hybrid work, but it helps me focus on the birthing preparation. And then.. pregnancy also made me realized why there are many motherhood group or organization with goals to support each others. Honestly? It is very nice and noble, because pregnancy (and probably motherhood) can be lonely and tiring.

The thought regarding this topic has been swirling inside my head for a couple of months, but I could not made any conclusion because I have not write it down properly to see what it actually looks like. I write this not for ranting or complaining. Similar with entering new school or starting a first job, I am gladly accept this newstage in life and determine to take on the journey with open arms.

Last but not least, I would love to hear your experience in navigating new chapter in life!

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